white-on-white 2

It’s a brave man who walks his wife into Tiffany’s in NYC and walks out without buying her anything.

Well, he didn’t actually get all the way out.  He got as far as the elevator and asked the deadly words, “So, what would you like to do now?”

I am a long time practitioner of Buddhism yet short-lived on the practice of ahimsa.  Fortunately, he was saved by my never-ending optimism that he can be trained in limbic telepathy.  The limbic system is made up of organs in our brain that is sometimes referred to collectively as the “emotional brain.”  It’s actually not so much a “system” as a complex network of interconnections among structures that deal with threat assessment and responses, memory and learning, and keeping the rationally-driven frontal lobe off line.  It is also apparently sensitive to being shut down in Tiffany’s.  In NYC.  At the ring counter.  Not that I’m bitter or anything.

After I pushed the elevator call button into the elevator shaft, I think he caught on because I found myself ushered back to the ring counter.  It’s cute ring.  Thin, unassuming.  Squarish yet round.  I’m not much of a diamond girl so these itty-bitty chips are quire acceptable.

We dance with this particular expectation in our relationship.  I suspect, all relationships do.  Why can’t s/he just know?  All the cues are there.  All the anticipation.  So when there is a huge disconnect between what I anticipate was going to happen and what does happen, it’s a shock.  I watched this happen a few times recently; observed it closely.  There is a subtle assumption that I’d missed in previous experiences: “You’d think someone who knows me so well would…”  There it was!  Just as no good deed goes unpunished, all good marital sensitivity gets held against you.  A wacky “if—>then” sequence that can get quite deadly in the trenches of neediness, craving, and insecurity about the relationship.

It is a cute ring.  The edges have just enough sharpness to remind me that my expectations can make things messy.  They also remind me to ask: what do you believe should be happening now?

2 thoughts on “white-on-white 2

  1. I grinned and chuckled through this whole post. B & I have been together 33 years. You’d think osmosis would have taken over by now, knowing what each other needs and wants,being absorbed into each other. Nah – we too experience this same disconnect as you describe – on so many levels. It’s amazing we’ve been together so long! I’ve pretty much given up on him being Karmac the Psychic, magically knowing my every need. He’s an Aquarian and dances to the beat of his own drum and evidently doesn’t *hear* mine. (And maybe more information than you wanted to know! LOL)

    Lovely post. Thanks for the heart smile this morning! 🙂

  2. So when do we get to see a pic of the ring?

    I guess most all of us think that we’re not sufficiently “seen” in our relationships. And yet very few of us (in my experience, and I’m including myself) seem interesting in doing the work of transparency needed so that others can see us for who we really are.

    We just prefer to remain in fantasy-land. Sorta like preferring to remain in Tiffany’s. Breakfast, anyone?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s