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Guest post: Dwan from Budding Buddhist on Waiting

It’s the day of Nate at Precious Metal‘s brilliant and fun idea of Blog-Swapping!  Nate is hosting my post on Sustaining Practice and I’m hosting Dwan from Budding Buddhist.  To see the interconnected blogs click here.

It’s my pleasure to introduce Dwan from Budding Buddhist.  I wandered through her site and was struck by the balance of her engagement with her inner and outer experiences.  She says she’s a beginning practitioner (I would disagree) so I went to her very first post to see what was lying there, dormant.  It was a moving expression of her strength and steadiness.  I think you will enjoy that first post when you visit her on her home turf as you will in reading where she is in this moment.

The fabulously patient Genju writes:

I was struck by the image of the empty waiting room and wondered if you’d like to write about your practice as it has evolved (a series of empty waiting room where you’ve practiced to be with what is?).

It’s amazing how “obvious” ideas become once we “get” them.  One little sentence and all the fluffy unformed ideas I’ve got floating in my head solidify into something tangible, present, and already-there!  I think the idea of a series of rooms is an excellent metaphor for my practice, though the dour humorist part of me insists on suggesting that a better metaphor might be a creaky wooden roller coaster. -.-

No different than any other student (I imagine.), my practice has ebbed and flowed.  At first it was all about learning form, technique and content.  So that first waiting room was crowded – full of ideas and concepts, goals and expectations.  I stayed here for quite a while, checking out all the nooks and crannies but not really venturing into them.  This room was more about broad strokes and lots of fidgeting.  I guess if it had a theme it was dust and tchotchkes.  It was pretty noisy, too.

Since that first initial bloom of practice I’ve had a lot of ups and downs.  Life has quite frankly gotten a lot harder and there have been periods of relative darkness and struggle.  My practice has reflected this.  When I struggled to breathe and simply be in these places, these “waiting rooms” echoed this – they were dark and cramped and sometimes it seemed to take forever to find the door.

I never ever stopped looking for the door, however, so every once in a while I slipped into a new room with a better view.  These rooms have windows, which I love to throw wide open.   Taking the time to renew my dedication to practice and to the moment is always a breath of fresh air, invigorating on so many levels!

There’s a pattern to my rooms – a sequence of light and dark almost like tree rings, and this is how I’ve come to see the ups and downs of my practice – as markers of the passage of time and effort.  A while back Venerable Ashin Sopāka wrote a really great summuppance of Mechanics of Kamma and Rebirth.  In it he uses a metaphor of a long line of people passing a sack of seeds from one person to the next, each person dropping a seed and adding a new one to the bag.  While taken well out of context, I think this idea applies the progress of my practice.  Things change, things rise and fall, but essentially the root is the same.  So “I’m” still here, even as the rooms come and go.

My “waiting rooms” *are* growing quieter and plainer.  It *is* getting easier for me to hear my breath.  Sometimes knowing that it’s just me, my breath and the present moment is a tremendous comfort and other times it can be positively maddening.

In any case, returning to that breath is the frequently the extent of my practice right now.  There’s no time or peace for a more formal practice.  I take comfort in that, however.  Reverend Danny Fisher’s Gift of Dharma for 11.30.09 speaks rather eloquently into this, in my opinion:

What then, is the correct Mahamudra practice?

The ordinary mind is itself the correct practice. That is to say, to let the ordinary mind remain in its own natural state.

If to this mind one adds or subtracts anything, it is then not the ordinary mind but the so-called ‘mind-object’ [Yul].

To make not the slightest intention and effort to practice, and yet not to be distracted for a single moment, is to practice the natural mind correctly.

Therefore, as long as you can keep your Self-awareness, no matter what you do, you are still practicing Mahamudra.

— the Ninth Khenchen Thrangu Tulku, Karma Lodrö Lungrik Maway Senge

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to know the self

It was an interesting dream.  A gathering at my father’s funeral, a collection of people who likely never would have come together in his lifetime.  They were of the Karen tribe, a group in Burma who have resisted for generations what amounts to genocidal attacks by the military junta.  I can attribute their presence in my dreams to two things.  At the moment I’m reading Little Daughter by Zoya Phan.  My father called me little daughter which he eventually shortened to “Dot”.  That and no longer having a father is all Zoya and I have in common.  Or perhaps not.

Throughout the Burmese political transitions from tribal units to British colony to Japanese Occupation and then to a brief moment of self-rule before the military rampages started in 1963, my father held firmly to the belief that we would find our identity, our true nature.  He had faith, in God and in the deep interconnections of being human.  It makes sense to me now that in my dream his funeral would be populated by an ethnic group who hold the same profound, unshakeable faith that they will achieve liberation – in statehood and in selfhood.

I met Zoya briefly one evening.  Her talk was deeply passionate and it felt so trite sitting beside her on that church pew asking her to sign her book.  But I wanted to tell her something, something important to my own selfhood: her acknowledgment of all those who had suffered at the hands of the military from 1963 onwards before the atrocities came to international light in 1988 had healed a deep wound in me.  The tragedies that resulted in my father’s undeserved sense of failure to uphold his commitments had been witnessed by a young activist whose own father and mother had paved the way to actualizing her selfhood.

Another thing incubating in the dream is the upcoming period of practice called Rohatsu.  Literally, the eighth day of the twelfth month.  It is the day the Buddha woke up when he saw the morning star and realized the interconnectedness of all beings.  In zendos all over the world, practitioners will sit for the seven days prior to December 8, deepening their practice.  Not a few will hope to achieve enlightenment and feel the light of their morning star penetrate and illuminate their mind.

I sat through the night once to meet the dawn of Rohatsu.  From the cushion in the home zendo, I knew I would see the morning star.  (Ever the obsessive-compulsive, I had looked up the exact hour of its rising and planned my sitting accordingly!)  And so I sat and walked and sat – through the night and straight on to the morning star.  Mara and Brahma were likely busy with more worthy opponents and arhants – for which I was grateful.  I get anxious when folks drop in and there aren’t any decent cookies to serve them.  Besides, it is a solitary practice – paradoxically so given its final outcome is to strip away the singular self and manifest what Thich Nhat Hanh calls Interbeing.

I’m curious about what this week’s practice will bring.  All practice is about manifesting the true self.  To do that we need such mythic tales like Siddhartha’s quest for the deepest possible insight into Being – essentially a Grail quest.  And, like the Grail quest, there are clues and guides.  The first is to find, as did Siddhartha, the “immovable spot” –  that momentary space inside the heart/mind that is steadfastly faithful to our commitment to be liberated from struggle and to achieve stance of nonpreference.

… (I)t is the “place” where things that seem diametrically opposed in the profane world come together in that coincidentia oppositorum that constitutes an experience of the Sacred.   Life and Death, emptiness and plenitude, physical and spiritual merge and conjoin, like the spokes of a wheel at its hub, in a way that is unimaginable to normal consciousness.  (Buddha by Karen Armstrong)

Indeed, it can be an interesting week.

Please take the time to practice,

Genju