a tomafoot

It’s a holiday weekend here.  A Civic Holiday when government employees get the day off and those of us who  need an excuse to take the day off do so in sympathetic support.  This year, it seems we all need a rest.  A bit of time to get rid of some of those afflictions that have been clinging on well past their expiration date.  The idea of taking a break, a respite, a reprieve from work is not alien to me.  Being civic-minded, I’m big into conservation.  Conservation of energy, resources, and time.  In fact, burn out theories have tied our inability to conserve resources to a variety of work-related ills.  So, I take my time off as prescribed and allow my inner sloth to manifest.

Unfortunately, this weekend started with my office computer waging a battle to the death.  Friday is not good time for these things to happen.  By the time I got it vaguely functional, it was time to set off on other chores, not the least of which was learning from Frank that the taxi cab who had run into the truck on Sunday had racked up $4,000 worth of damages.  I admire a man who can quietly say things like, “I’m afraid not, sir.  My truck was parked.  You ran into it.  We’re not going to negotiate a 50-50 settlement.”  So, as we drove home, between truck and computer woes, I was overcome by a need to do something wild and crazy.  I got on my iPad and booked two tickets to see the Lion King that same night. 

Before you judge me harshly, let me say it was one of the most difficult things I’ve done.  Not only because it’s been years of refusing to treat ourselves, but because the damn truck was bouncing so much I accidentally tapped on Box Seats.  It was worth the price.  Especially when we came home to another power failure and relished dessert at midnight by candlelight.  (Dessert was fig cashew cream with a dribble of condensed milk.)  The rest of the weekend was spent (is still being spent as you read this) lunching al fresco in the gazebo, weeding the rose garden, and tasting the hot chili peppers that are fighting back a tomafoot of tomatoes.  

 It’s easy to go round and round in same rut believing we’re doing good for ourselves – or even for the world of suffering out there.  And while we may be, it’s important not to buy so totally into that delusion that we forget we too are one of the suffering hordes.  Often, it’s really our shadow side that’s pushing the wheel around, digging the tracks deeper, and convincing us that we’re oh-so-indispensable or oh-so-wise.  It takes practice and time to take off that layer of ego and allow a direct knowing of ourselves.   True, it starts with acknowledging our suffering, being honest about it, being willing to stay with it.  And then we have a choice: we can masochistically stay there and choke in our own skin or leave behind what is keeping us too small for our life.  We can refuse to re-trace the line of old patterns and risk that vulnerability of being human.  And if we think, that’s all there is, we can notice how many times that skin has to be sloughed off as we grow our egos, over and over.

10 thoughts on “a tomafoot

  1. lovely post. thank you. i celebrate your box seats and taking a much needed break and your support of the arts! i had a similar experience this weekend.

    this weekend i had been working intensely to finish a summer class. last night, after i finished the last of 20 short essays for the online class, paul and i spontaneously decided to go to shakespeare theater at my university. we had 30 minutes to spare and we arrived to find out seats in the dark. the performance was lovely, creative, and funny and it filled out cups. an all female case of The Twelve Night with a wonderful blues artist singing and playing the piano as a part of the performance. very clever and humourous.

    • Oh… Shakespeare…There’s a blogger who writes on the Bard and Buddha… don’t think she posts anymore. Twelfth Night wiht blues? Sounds amazing! And good for you – being so spontaneous. I think we need to have a weekly check-in practice of “What can you do NOW!”

  2. Thanks for sharing. I am giving some thought to some of the ruts I’ve gotten into myself over the last while. It is important to re-evaluate old habits to ensure that they are supporting our wishes to behave in or “be” a certain way. In spite of everything, I’ll bet you’re more able to tackle the coming week fresh and with renewed vigor and enthusiasm. I heard from a friend that the Lion King was awesome, by the way.

      • Definitely. Thanks for the reminder. I certainly have to check those habits too. When I mentally review my habits, I see that there are certainly a number of them that are not supporting my wish to be the person I want to “be”.

  3. Pingback: an unfortunate incident with an ink pot « 108zenbooks

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