I’ve spent the last four hours trying to get Outlook to work. For some reason, it stopped sending email notifications of appointments I booked over the day. It doesn’t have to be a big deal but technology and I have co-dependent relationship; it promises joy and ease and I will pay any price for delivery. Unfortunately, the only thing it delivers is obsession and if I complain about the misrepresentation, it points out that the fault is in my perception.
So, I have spent more time than it deserved trying every tactic to get Outlook to return to our old relationship where I enjoyed the delusion of partnership and it hid its tender indifference from me. (The term is from Camus’ The Stranger, a book I have not read but the words heard in one of the dharma talks struck me deeply.) We so hate to be thwarted in our desires, especially when we are convinced those desires are our deliverance.
Reflecting on the various partnerships I’ve forged over the years and what tender indifferences were hidden from me makes for an interesting explore.
Thank you for practising,