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one banana, my banana

I foolishly wandered into this part of my shelves.  There are neighbourhoods in my library which, like my mind, are dangerous places to be.  The gentrified shelves are in my study, refurbished condos of colorful renditions about this kind of Buddhism and that kind of Buddhablah.  Along one wall are books about calligraphy, haiku, homages to Stephen Addiss, Kaz Tanahashi, and translators of Hakuin, Ikkyu and Ryokan.  May Sarton, Emily Dickinson, James Merrill, Wendell Berry inhabit a sort of poet’s intelligentsia supporting their Asian counterparts. This is a safe neighbourhood where the crime rates are low.  Cognitive assaults rarely happen and the wide open areas are safe to meander through even in the darkest of soulful nights.

Yet, on this day, this chilly softened morning, when I managed to get out of bed at the moment my eyes opened and awareness of being awake registered, I found myself in the Outer Banks of bookdom where many a thought has been lured to its doom.  French philosopher and cultural theorist, Rene Girard’s concepts of mimetic desire are explored through a series of interviews in Things Hidden Since the Foundation of the World.  I’m drawn to his discussion of acquisitive behaviours and imitation, which he argues are intricately intertwined.

Imitation (or mimesis) is the mirroring of another’s behaviour and serves many purposes: an indication of commonality, a gesture of respect, a reciprocated aggression.  It can also become mimetic rivalry in which each person tries to outdo the other; think about that great cartoon sequence of “You first!” “No, no, I insist, you first.”  Aggression is also a form of mimetic rivalry, trying to outdo the other in strength of presence.  The neurology of mirrored actions is fascinating but that’s in a different neighbourhood of the City of Books.  Along with acquisitive imitation, Girard proposes there must be a prohibition of action in one of the participants otherwise the mutual reaching for an object creates conflict.  Implied in his argument is that the conflict transmutes into something beyond the desired object.  (OK, maybe more than implied.  He likely says that later in the book but so far, I’m only on page 9!  I’m going to write a book one day about things hidden in the first ten pages of philosophy books!)


What this means in plain language is that you and I can see a banana.  Initially, our reaching and prohibition of reaching too quickly (if we’re well-socialized or not too hungry) is about acquiring the banana.  The thought sequence goes something like this: I’m hungry, there’s a banana, taking the banana soothes the hunger, no wait, YOU want the banana too, oh, now what, I should let you have the banana, but I want the banana.  Then it goes something like this: you’re moving faster than I am, you’re going to get the banana before I do, hey, that means I lose, you can’t have that banana.

Did you see it?  It’s no longer about having the banana.  It’s now about being the one who has the banana.

Girard refers to the Pacific Northwest peoples’ ritual of potlatch as acquisitive mimesis inverted to a mimesis of renunciation.  By giving away everything in a ritual of generosity, we shape the clinging, grasping, self-centered “I” away from a fear of deprivation.  If the neurologists and neuropsychologists are on the right track, our neurology is available for these transformations through the practice of mindfulness.  And what is implicit in their results is the need to practice the precepts and paramitas in a way that is clearly perceived by each other.

In other words, we not only must bear witness but also reflect in order to effect transformation.

Thank you for practicing,

Genju

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getting on the “I”-list

We are headed towards the 2nd Buddho-Blogger Swap and Justin Whitaker, author of the American Buddhist Perspective will be Guest author here on Friday January 8th.  This time we are assigned topics at random and Justin will be writing on how to practice with irritation.  Since much of my work both in my Buddhist and livelihood sanghas involves the cultivation of ethics (well, what doesn’t!) I asked Justin to let the topic take an ethical slant (how could it not?).  This in no way locks him into that perspective because, as I have learned in these few months of writing this blog, I have no idea where the first typed word will take me.

Anyway, I began to think about this issue of ethics.  No grand ideas.  Just a curiousity about what it means, in a very ordinary way, to live an engaged and committed life.  A long time ago I use to make resolutions just as I used to send out Christmas cards.  Now, instead of the Hallmark Christmas mail-out, I wait for Valentine’s Day to send out a love letter to my family & friends expressing my gratitude for their presence and encouraging them in their practice, whatever form it may take.  Last year, my letter garnered a few astonished replies from friends over the fact they had made the “A” list.  I pointed out to them it’s actually an “I”-list.  That’s “I” for integrity and Integral – the first I see as central to who they are and the second as central to who they are to me.

I have a similar approach to making New year’s Resolutions.  I don’t.  That’s not to say I don’t have these moments when I swear by all that’s holy in the sutras that I will for sure absolutely begin to (fill in the blank).  These moments of pseudo engagement with my life tend to be driven by guilt about the effort I put into my practice, my greed for more and more of what I don’t have or just got a taste of, my fear of total annihilation when emails and phone calls aren’t returned, or (fill in the blank).  Anything promised in these moments will have as much power over me as a fifth helping of cheesecake after I swear not to have the first.  There’s a simple reason for it: the desire is not for the object or outcome I claim I want.  It’s for the soothing of the anxiety I feel because I don’t have what I want. So these days, when I find myself promising I simply will not engage in something or absolutely will achieve something else, I stop for a moment and try to sit with what’s getting me so hot and bothered.

Justin states it beautifully in his post on Resolutions:

If you find yourself repeatedly going down in flames in this or that aspect of your life, it would do you much more good to figure out what started you on fire in the first place before resolving to rise from the ashes.

He also says:

Resolutions are only as good as the awareness with which they are made.

I like this.  If I’m going to be a phoenix, I first have to be willing to burn up with awareness.

Could it be as simple as putting myself on an “I”-list of integrity and being integral?  I don’t know.  There is a challenge and cost to living with integrity.  Once aware, I don’t get to be deaf, dumb, and blind again.  The tough part is, just as my eye can’t see itself nor my hand hold itself, I can’t tell you if I live with integrity.  And even harder for me as I’ve had to learn, I can’t make myself integral in anyone else’s life.

And that perhaps was the greatest challenge I faced in 2009: realizing that I was not integral in the lives of some people but to continue to hold them as integral in mine.  Does that constitute living with integrity?  Damned if I know.  May be someday they’ll let me know.  Or not.  Either way it resolves something.

Thank you for practicing,

Genju